Begin with the End in Mind

Łucja Stopyra, Psychology Coach

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Hope is the silent prayer of the heart. Hope is the rain that soothes and the oasis that quenches your thirst..

Hope is your lamp against the trudging darkness.”

What are you hoping for this year?

More importantly, do you simply hope (wish) and do nothing or you proactively plan your outcomes (hope) to be in congruence your values, and then continue to flex your muscles to make it happen..

And let’s begin…

Looking back, I was not particularly good in putting down my goals, reflecting upon how my year had gone because I used to find that year end is just another day, another date. More important, I thought, is how I need to live my life every day.

When I decided to look deep, I realised that there was an underlying fear – fear of dreaming big or of telling anyone of my goal because if I don’t achieve it, it will be so embarrassing …

Now that I know, I got it all wrong …

There is nothing wrong in setting goals, it is how you set your goal. “Begin with the End in Mind” (habit #2 from Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people) is a phrase which I particularly love because I finally learn that if we do not have a destination, we can easily just flow along with the goals of others since we do not have a clear understanding of where we want to head, so how can we take steps in the right direction.

If we look at the golfer who seem to know where he needs to swing his club to hit his goal as he has a clear intention – to ensure that he aims towards the final destination. Even though there will be obstacles along the way, he starts on track, he stays focused, knowing where he is going.

It is incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy – very busy, without being particularly effective.

I am not saying that year-end must be a time to reflect and the new year must be a time to set goals for the coming year; rather it is a good prompter, a time to check-in on where you are now with your destination and what have you learnt in this journey of yours.

There is a saying that there is no unresourceful person, only an unresourceful state. In the past, I have totally mixed up the state and the person, the behaviour with the person. When we have the right state of mind, regardless of our environment, we feel different, we see things differently and people will respond to us differently….

For me personally, 2020 is a year of achievements and accomplishments and it is not until now that I reflect upon my year that I fully realised.
– I qualified as Performance Coach with a distinction after over 12 months of hard work.
– I qualified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) after months of pains, as it was not just a qualification, a training, a learning, it was a very personal walk of my life, my healing, my courage to step into myself.
– I found Clean Language, the beginning of another journey (look out for my next article on my story of Clean – be prepared to come with lots of tissues) as it is written with lots of tears, with sharp arrows piercing into my heart.

This is also the year that I started my coaching business, and what does that mean? I moved from pro bono coaching where I bear the cost, to having clients to bear part of the cost of working with me, for appreciating their journey of self discovery…

Reflecting back, I noted that there are many dips this year
– Cov19 means my NLP training could not proceed due to the lockdown and it was postponed for a couple of months, eventually being taken online. Meanwhile, I was told that I need to sort out my emotions as in to seek professional help otherwise I would not be allowed to resume my training for I may not be in the right state of mind to handle the training (dealing of past emotions)
– My paperwork for my Performance coaching diploma had to be re-worked as I realised I had just jotted down thoughts of each of my coaching session then without much structure. What I learned from this was to be more organised and structured, especially in terms of ICF core competencies and be crystal clear on my ongoing development.
After all the ‘hard work’ and ‘hardships’, I qualified with distinction for my coaching, and further recognitions by my NLP trainers.

Now, I found that there is another world out there in which to establish myself as a professional coach This round, the dip is much bigger because it is no longer only about working hard and being true to myself, it’s about overcoming my weaknesses, my dislikes, stepping out of my comfort zone, including making use of social media and being consistent and structured with making posts and other networking activities.

My destination is clear – I want to be amongst the top 100 coaches of the world. What does that mean? The recognition is important otherwise it will just be a qualification with no real impact. How can I make an impact if no one knows of my work. How can I truly make that difference in more peoples’ lives and help them to live a life that belongs to them, to be true to themselves, to have the courage to be authentic, living a fruitful life and to fully evolve into the whole person they are meant to be.

This seem like an impossible dream for a newly starting coach, especially with the challenges I have on hand – cov19, constant lockdown, away from my homeland (Singapore) in a small town in North Wales, UK, how bad can it get.

Yet, I know I am living in alignment to my values, my calling because I am walking the truth, I can feel it from the bottom of my heart, my soul. And in the many testimonials given by my clients, I have been told again and again that they can feel the connection, the authenticity and depth of the conversation with me. Through it, their new journey begins.

When your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take just gets you to the wrong place faster.

How different your life will be when you really know what is deeply important to you, and keeping that picture in mind, you will manage yourself each day to be and to do what really matters most.

If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you at your funeral, you will find your destination.

For I have been there (unfortunately, it wasn’t mine but my child). Times may be tough but I am clear where I am heading and why I am doing what I am doing. To live a life of legacy for Nathaniel, to live in truth to myself, in accordance to my values. And this is a journey, when the wind gets strong, I will adjust my sails or slow down but not stop for I am heading towards my destination.

And when I walked this truth myself, time will tell and others will see that in me.

Decide where you want to go from here….

Begin your journey with the End in Your Mind…

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Łucja Stopyra Psychology Coach

Łucja Stopyra, Psychology Coach

Relationship Systems Coach || Systemic Leadership & Team Coaching || Psychologist As a relationship systems coach, I follow the motto “relationship matters, from the living room ​to the board room...

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